Wednesday, July 22, 2015

I have the BIG C.....

by Angeles

“Where there is love there is life.” 

I am in love with life, with friends, with my family, with my work, my fashion life .... with everything and now for the first time I have to be more in LOVE with ME!
I read a couple of days ago that right now I have to be the Number 1, numero uno. Because I love so much what I am doing and I need to pursue all my crazy dreams.
And I discovered that I have the big C..... I have Cancer.

Around seven weeks ago I was in my bed touching my breast because the bra was itching me and I found something, a thing that it was clear wasn't just a little thing. I was really worry. The next day I talked to my boss about it and she said you must go to the doctor.
Well, I went to the general doctor and she saw and felt that thing. 
I wasn't worry at that point just a little bit nervous but I knew that I needed 
all the answers as soon as posible.
When I was at the mammogram exam, alone, thinking that everything is going to be ok, my mind started to be really concerned. Probably I have something? Could be a lump,
could be something else?
I did the ultra sound and voila, they found the thing plus more.... I was lying down , half naked and getting more nervous and asked if I can go, the nurse said no - "the Doctors are coming" - after that I knew that something was wrong.
At that moment, I felt so vulnerable and weak, what the doctors are going to say to me?
Doctors came and they said -"yes we found the thing that you found it but we found another one..." - Wow! my mind was blowed away and the worst came after when they did again the ultra sound and they found a third thing. All in my breast! 

It is difficult to accept that somethings is going on and you don't have the knowledge to fix something that in my case I had not a clue the next steps. 

It was Thursday when all of this happened, it was a lot but the next day will be
another big day, biopsy day.
The biopsy went well with all the things that might happened in health proceed. They said to me that I will have the results in a week. "In a week!" - I said, next week is my birthday, interesting, an unexpected week is approaching!
Wait is the worst thing for me, specially when it is involved health issue. I was thinking too many things, good and bad, but you can not do anything, just wait with the best face and humor.

Friday, June 26 I received the call - "I have your results, is this a good moment to talk? Can you seat .... I am afraid is Cancer..." - the doctor said.  I am not gonna forget never that I am afraid. And voila! my life starting to change immediately.
Exams and more exams, in and out to the hospital and also the difficult part of telling to my dearest friends and family the news.
Not Easy at all. 
Saturday, June 27 I celebrated my birthday because I wanted to celebrated life, the privileged to be here, to say thank you to all of those fantastic people that I met and  they are surrounded me because they gave me support, they helped me in my work and also in my worst days.

Now I am here writing these little story with my bad grammar, because I am not perfect but I feel that I have to tell you, my readers what is happening to me because is good to talk about Cancer when in my case I don't know too much and I am going to need your support to fight this big C.
I will be out, I will work, I will laugh and  I will be diferent because you now what the big C means, a lot of changes. 

Fuck! I am very scary, this is too much, it is not easy but I know this new adventure and journey in my life is going to be something really special. A time to grow, to see life with  other eyes, be stronger and I am gonna be super POSITIVE. I will try my best with all my heart because I LOVE so much my life! And I have too many fabulous dreams to conquer! I want more projects, more creative work, I want more fashion adventures, I want to travel more , I want to fall in love again.... 
I want to be HAPPY!
I know I am going to be well in 6 month because this fucking shit is going to be out of me very soon!
I have too Much LOVE in my heart and I want to share this LOVE every day for the rest of my life!

Smile to me when you see me, give me a huge hug and I will give you a lot of LOVE!
This is the most emotional time in my life but I am going to be well soon.

I am Angeles and I have Cancer.



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wearing my favorite black flower brooch
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