Wednesday, July 22, 2015

I have the BIG C.....

by Angeles

“Where there is love there is life.” 

I am in love with life, with friends, with my family, with my work, my fashion life .... with everything and now for the first time I have to be more in LOVE with ME!
I read a couple of days ago that right now I have to be the Number 1, numero uno. Because I love so much what I am doing and I need to pursue all my crazy dreams.
And I discovered that I have the big C..... I have Cancer.

Around seven weeks ago I was in my bed touching my breast because the bra was itching me and I found something, a thing that it was clear wasn't just a little thing. I was really worry. The next day I talked to my boss about it and she said you must go to the doctor.
Well, I went to the general doctor and she saw and felt that thing. 
I wasn't worry at that point just a little bit nervous but I knew that I needed 
all the answers as soon as posible.
When I was at the mammogram exam, alone, thinking that everything is going to be ok, my mind started to be really concerned. Probably I have something? Could be a lump,
could be something else?
I did the ultra sound and voila, they found the thing plus more.... I was lying down , half naked and getting more nervous and asked if I can go, the nurse said no - "the Doctors are coming" - after that I knew that something was wrong.
At that moment, I felt so vulnerable and weak, what the doctors are going to say to me?
Doctors came and they said -"yes we found the thing that you found it but we found another one..." - Wow! my mind was blowed away and the worst came after when they did again the ultra sound and they found a third thing. All in my breast! 

It is difficult to accept that somethings is going on and you don't have the knowledge to fix something that in my case I had not a clue the next steps. 

It was Thursday when all of this happened, it was a lot but the next day will be
another big day, biopsy day.
The biopsy went well with all the things that might happened in health proceed. They said to me that I will have the results in a week. "In a week!" - I said, next week is my birthday, interesting, an unexpected week is approaching!
Wait is the worst thing for me, specially when it is involved health issue. I was thinking too many things, good and bad, but you can not do anything, just wait with the best face and humor.

Friday, June 26 I received the call - "I have your results, is this a good moment to talk? Can you seat .... I am afraid is Cancer..." - the doctor said.  I am not gonna forget never that I am afraid. And voila! my life starting to change immediately.
Exams and more exams, in and out to the hospital and also the difficult part of telling to my dearest friends and family the news.
Not Easy at all. 
Saturday, June 27 I celebrated my birthday because I wanted to celebrated life, the privileged to be here, to say thank you to all of those fantastic people that I met and  they are surrounded me because they gave me support, they helped me in my work and also in my worst days.

Now I am here writing these little story with my bad grammar, because I am not perfect but I feel that I have to tell you, my readers what is happening to me because is good to talk about Cancer when in my case I don't know too much and I am going to need your support to fight this big C.
I will be out, I will work, I will laugh and  I will be diferent because you now what the big C means, a lot of changes. 

Fuck! I am very scary, this is too much, it is not easy but I know this new adventure and journey in my life is going to be something really special. A time to grow, to see life with  other eyes, be stronger and I am gonna be super POSITIVE. I will try my best with all my heart because I LOVE so much my life! And I have too many fabulous dreams to conquer! I want more projects, more creative work, I want more fashion adventures, I want to travel more , I want to fall in love again.... 
I want to be HAPPY!
I know I am going to be well in 6 month because this fucking shit is going to be out of me very soon!
I have too Much LOVE in my heart and I want to share this LOVE every day for the rest of my life!

Smile to me when you see me, give me a huge hug and I will give you a lot of LOVE!
This is the most emotional time in my life but I am going to be well soon.

I am Angeles and I have Cancer.


Monday, July 20, 2015

Life and Laughter After Cancer

by Angeles

A story that I want to share..... because we are all women and you never now
about life can changing so fast ....
Please read and thank you to Vogue and TODAY Show to share this Story of Tig Notaro with me ....
a good new positive story and person!
Just few words from me because I am not good with words ... but soon I will write something.


Tig Is an Intimate Look at Life and Laughter After Cancer - by Vogue

I have a distinct memory of the first time I ever heard the comedian Tig Notaro’s voice. It was a Friday afternoon in the early summer of 2012. My boyfriend had just picked me up at The New York Times, where I was working, and we were driving out of the city for the weekend, NPR humming along in the background. I wasn’t paying much attention until this funny, flat, sort of stricken-sounding person came on the radio, telling a completely mundane, very slow-paced story about the experience of repeatedly running into the eighties pop star Taylor Dayne around Los Angeles. “I love your voice,” the storyteller told Dayne at every opportunity, and then, in the retelling, she would pause for what felt like an impossible amount of time, letting the line sink in, the laughter build. It was hilarious, but the kind of funny you can’t really put your finger on. It was totally original and impossible to tune out.
I had no idea when I listened to that segment that the voice belonged to a comedian named Tig Notaro, or who Tig Notaro was. And I definitely had no idea that this mysterious person with the mysterious name was already in the middle of a really, really bad year.
In fact, the Taylor Dayne segment, as we see in the intimate new documentary,Tig, out on Netflix today, happened when Notaro was already more than halfway through the laundry list of calamities that befell her in 2012. First, while filming a small role in the movie In a World, Notaro collapsed and ended up hospitalized for a week with a life-threatening C. diff infection. Shortly after getting out of the hospital, still unable to eat and twenty pounds lighter, she received the horrifying news that her mother—“the person who understood me most”—had fallen, hit her head, and lost consciousness, never to wake up again. She traveled to Texas to be with her mom as she was taken off life support. Then she went to New York, to tell the Taylor Dayne story during a live This American Life show, which was taped in early May and aired on May 18. “I needed something good to happen,” Tig explains in the documentary. “I felt like if I could just get to New York and doThis American Life, I would feel like I was coming through something.”
It was while she was in New York that TAL’s Ira Glass suggested Notaro do a piece about the shitty year she was having, but she wasn’t ready to go there. She went back to L.A., where, by late summer, she had found a lump in one breast, which turned out to be lumps in both breasts, and a diagnosis of bilateral breast cancer. She was facing a double mastectomy and a very uncertain future when she decided, just days after her diagnosis, to take to the stage at the L.A. comedy club Largo with some new material. “That was a risk,” she tells the camera. “It could have been my last show ever that bombed, and then I died.”
She neither bombed nor died. What she performed that night—a 30-minute, off-the-cuff, stream-of-consciousness set in which she processes her shock, fear, and bewilderment in real time on stage—became comedy legend, single-handedly elevating her from comedian’s comedian to near-household name. Notaro became a viral sensation before there was anything even available for the Internet to hear. (Louis C.K. tweeted about her “masterful” set, and eventually made a recording of it available on his website.) Press coverage and book offers started rolling in. “I was thinking, Am I even going to be alive to finish a book?” Tig remembers.
For fans of that material (aka pretty much anyone who’s ever heard it), it’s tempting to watch the hour-and-a-half-long Tig as a sort of extended Behind the Music about the famous Largo set. But the documentary, directed by Kristina Goolsby and Ashley York, actually focuses on the year that followed that night, when Notaro, suddenly famous for a one-off comedy set that could never be repeated, found herself in serious demand but without any usable material. It’s about the process of trying to develop a new act, painful night after night, at small clubs across the country, where promoters announced her with great fanfare and Notaro knew she couldn’t deliver. It’s also about rebuilding her personal life (2012 involved a breakup, which she mentions in her set, but the documentary doesn’t delve into). We watch Tig fall in love with the actress Stephanie Allynne, to whom she’s  now engaged. We also watch the heartbreaking process of Tig trying to have a child. Notaro, the documentary reveals, was already trying to get pregnant before she got sick; in the aftermath of cancer, no longer able to carry a baby herself, she endures risky hormone treatments to freeze her eggs. Her friend donates sperm, and, after she announces her need for a surrogate on her podcast,Professor Blastoff, a Seattle woman volunteers. We’re right there with the grieving comedian, as she attempts to implant the fertilized embryos, her last shot at having a biological child.
It’s an emotional and moving portrait of life after cancer, and of the sort of equanimity that can come out of tragedy. Tig is famous for finding humor in dark places, for chronicling her misfortune, but her best quality, as this documentary demonstrates, is her willingness to count her blessings. “After this crazy year that I had, one of the really positive things that came from it is being more open to people than I’ve ever been,” she tells her surrogate, hoping for the best. “People have shown just such generosity and love and kindness that my head is exploding. This is not something that I would have done a year ago. I was just so much more closed off.”

Tig Notaro meets tragedy with humor: 'Good evening. I have cancer'


me ;)

me ;)
wearing my favorite black flower brooch
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